Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
