Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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