we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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