I just cut my nipple shaving
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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