Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
