he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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