Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
