oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I love having hate sex.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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