I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
