I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
