Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
