yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize