do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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