I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
