I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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