Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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