And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
