You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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