I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize