WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my shit smells like andre
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
