This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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