I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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