Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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