I faked an abortion last night.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
