true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just blew my weed a kiss
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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