Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
