Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
