My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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