I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
