I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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