Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
