You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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