I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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