; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
