Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
