He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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