the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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