dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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