I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
