Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize