That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
