Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
