i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
