Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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