I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So. Much. Porn.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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