she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
