So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize