i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
