um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
