Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i think i just naturally attract stoners
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
