Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
