I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
