so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
