Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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