i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
