Your face is a jimmy john
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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