A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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