my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
