no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
