Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
