I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
