yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
