if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize