i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
