his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
