I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
