If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
