I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
