every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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