I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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