i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
