i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
