oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
