That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
